When a girl says can I ask you something

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When a girl says can I ask you something

Download Article   Co-authored by Stefanie Safran

Last Updated: August 1, 2022 References

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This article was co-authored by Stefanie Safran. Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as Chicago's Introductionista® as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 12,082,329 times.

You're so ready to go on a date with the girl you've been crushing on, but first you have to ask her out. How should you bring it up? What exactly should you say? Asking a girl out in person, over text, or on social media can be intimidating, but don't worry. We've got all of the best tips for asking a girl out. Keep reading for examples of what to say, plus tips on how to appear cool and confident when you ask her out.

Steps

Method 1Method 1 of 3:Asking Her in Person

1Plan what youre going to say so you feel more confident. Having a plan will help you be more direct so that there are no misunderstandings.[1] X Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview.  8 May 2020. Go to source  You want her to know that youre asking her out in a romantic sense, not just as friends. You dont have to repeat a script word-for-word, but youll feel more comfortable if you have a general idea of what to say. Here are some examples of things you could plan to say:[2] X Research source Go to source

  • "I got tickets to the Taylor Swift concert in August. Would you want to come with me as my date?"
  • "Would you like to go to the new bookstore and grab a coffee together afterward?"
  • "Id love to take you out to dinner next weekend. How about the new Thai place?"
  • If youre really shy, use that to your advantage. You can even plan to say something like, "You know Im a pretty shy person, so this is a little awkward for me, but I wanted to tell you that I think youre really nice and have a great sense of humor. Would you want to go play mini-golf next weekend?"[3] X Research source Go to source

2Wait to ask her until youre fairly certain shell be in a good mood. If you notice that she seems sad or angry about something, it might not be the best time to ask her out on a date. Try to catch her after something good happens, like if she gets a good grade on a test or gets an interview for a job she wants.[4] X Research source Go to source

  • Asking a girl out in person can be nerve-wracking! To help ease your anxiety, set a deadline for yourself and commit to asking her before that date. Once you start the conversation, itll just take a few minutes to ask her out.

Tip: If she just recently broke up with someone, you may be tempted to jump right in and ask her out as soon as shes available. But, chances are, she needs a little bit of time to adjust. Give her a few weeks before you attempt to ask her out. In the meantime, offer her your friendship and an ear to listen if she needs it.

3Talk to her when shes by herself so you dont have an audience. If a girl is with a group of friends when you try to ask her out, she may get embarrassed or not be able to talk openly because she might feel uncomfortable about how many people are watching your interaction. Plan out a way that you can comfortably talk to her one-on-one.[5] X Research source Go to source

  • You could ask to walk her to her next class.
  • You could ask her to wait up after a meeting because you have a question for her.
  • You could even send her a text asking her to meet you somewhere.

4Make eye contact and do your best to speak clearly. When you get her one-on-one and are ready to ask her out, take a calming breath. Smile, make gentle eye contact, and stand up straight.[6] X Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview.  8 May 2020. Go to source  Avoid slouching over, staring at the ground, or mumbling. Remember, you dont need to say more than 2-3 sentences.[7] X Research source Go to source

  • If youre nervous, practice what youre going to say in front of a mirror several times.
  • You could also record yourself asking her out. Play it back to yourself to see how you sound and make any adjustments that you need to. Do you say "umm" or pause a lot? Keep practicing until your question sounds natural.

5Ask her out! Once youve gotten her attention and are talking to her, you just need to take a deep breath and calmly ask her on a date. Say something like, "Would you like to grab a drink at the new coffeehouse this Sunday?" or "Id like to get to know you better. What do you think about taking our dogs out for a walk something this weekend?" Remember to be direct and confident.[8] X Research source Go to source

  • If you want to do something a little more romantic, consider something like having flowers delivered to her house. Then, follow up with her in person and say something like, "I hope you liked the flowers I sent. What do you think about going out this weekend?"
  • You could also do something a little out of the box, like have a pizza delivered to her with a note attached that says something like, "This is a little cheesy, but Id love to go out to dinner with you this weekend."

6Respond positively, no matter what her answer is. In the best-case scenario, she said yes and you can move on to preparing for your date! If she turned you down, its normal to feel a little bummed. Do your best to not take it personally; try to view it as a "not the right time, not the right person" situation, and move on as best you can.[9] X Research source Go to source

  • Definitely dont try to convince her that she is making a mistake. She knows what she wants and trying to make her do something else will make her feel uncomfortable.
  • Try saying something like, "No worriesIm glad I at least asked and dont have to wonder! I hope you have a great day." Be sincere and try to smile and not sound sarcastic.

Method 2Method 2 of 3:Using Texting and Social Media

1Use text or social media if thats how you normally communicate. A lot of dates are arranged via text, DM, social media, and in other similar ways. When deciding how to ask a girl out, pick whichever method feels most natural to your normal way of communicating.[10] X Research source Go to source

  • Keep in mind that youll want to be really clear via text so that your intentions arent misunderstood.

2Pick an activity to ask her to do before you send your message. Rather than being vague and asking her to just "hang out" or what shes up to that weekend, pick something fun that you think youd both enjoy. This gives her something to respond to, and you wont be left wondering what to do if she says yes. Here are some great first date ideas:[11] X Research source Go to source

  • Go to an arcade or to play mini-golf
  • Go to a coffee shop and a used bookstore
  • Plan a movie marathon
  • Go to an admission-free art exhibit or festival
  • Volunteer at the local animal shelter to walk and play with the animals
  • Make homemade pizza and do a puzzle together

Tip: Ask her out far enough in advance if you want to do something that requires tickets. It would suck if she wasnt available that weekend or if the tickets were all sold out.

3Keep the text short, sweet, and specific. Send her a message that says something simple like, "Hey Kate, I think youre really cute. Want to go play arcade games and get something to eat this Friday?" Telling her you think shes attractive clues her in that this is a romantic message and not just a friendly one.[12] X Research source Go to source

  • Remember to ask about a specific activity. For example, "Would you like to go out on a date with me next Saturday? I thought we could get dinner and go see a movie," sounds much more romantic than, "Want to hang out sometime next weekend?" The latter could be misinterpreted.
  • Text isnt the only optionyou could use DMs in different social media apps or send a cool video through Instagram or Snapchat.

4Accept her answer and respond quickly even if she turns you down. If you get rejected, dont wait too long to reply. You could say something like, "Thats okay! I just wanted to ask. I still think youre cool and will see you in class." Its not fun to get rejected, but it is a normal experience and doesnt mean anything bad about you as a person. Its just not the right fit right now.[13] X Research source Go to source

  • If you do get rejected, reassure yourself that at least now you know. You wont be left wondering what could have happened, and you have more practice under your belt for the next time you decide to ask a girl out.

Tip: If a girl says no, respond positively and calmly. The next time you see her in person, make it a point to say "hi" and smile so that she knows there are no hard feelings.

5Make plans for your first date if she says yes. Hopefully, you got a positive response to your message! Firm up the details for the date, put it in your calendar, and take a few minutes to celebrate how well things went.[14] X Research source Go to source

  • Either the day before or the day of your date, send her a message letting her know youre looking forward to hanging out.

Method 3Method 3 of 3:Gauging Her Interest Level

1Find out if she is already dating or interested in someone else. You may already know this info, but if not, itll come in handy when deciding when or if to ask her out. Pay attention to the people she talks about often. If they arent regular friends of hers, it may be someone she is interested in romantically. Check out her social media to see if there are any clues there, too.[15] X Research source Go to source

  • You could even turn this into an opportunity to get to know her better by asking something like, "Tell me more about some of the people youve dated," or "Did your last relationship end well?"

2Check to see if you catch her staring at you. When someone looks at your frequently, that can often mean that theyre interested in you. Especially if you are already friends, this can be a great indicator that she may be developing feelings for you.[16] X Research source Go to source

  • If you dont notice this, it doesnt mean that she isnt interested or that you shouldnt ask her out. Its just one way you might be able to tell if her feelings toward you have changed.

3Observe her body language to tell if she is interested in you or not. Does she approach you and stand or sit near you? Does she touch your arm or shoulder? These signs may not mean that she likes you romantically, but they show that she doesnt dislike you. They mean she is comfortable around you and generally likes you as a person. This is a great sign![17] X Research source Go to source

  • Your chances of getting a "yes" when you ask her out are much higher if a girl likes you as a person.
  • On the flip side, if she avoids you, doesnt make eye contact, or moves away when youre close by, those are clear signs that she doesnt want to spend time with you.

4Flirt with her to see if she responds positively. Make longer-than-usual eye contact and smile at her. Touch her gently on the arm or shoulder to make physical contact. Compliment her looks and her intelligence.[18] X Research source Go to source

  • Compliment her.[19] X Expert Source

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview.  8 May 2020. Go to source  To compliment a girl, you could say something like, "That sweater brings out the color of your eyes," or "You did a great job on your presentation today. I wish I could speak in front of people like you."

Texting Tip: If youre flirting via text, you could say something like, "Every time my phone goes off, Im hoping its you."

Additional Ideas

Sample Ways to Ask Someone Out

Sample First Date Ideas

Sample Ways to Handle Rejection

Community Q&A

  • Question Is it okay to take a girl home on the first date?

Stefanie Safran Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Answer It is not appropriate to take a girl home on the first date. Less than 10% of those who have sex within the initial three dates continue dating for a year. Secondly, it is not suitable for health and safety reasons.

  • Question How should I choose a location for a date so that both of us are happy?

Stefanie Safran Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Answer You can give your suggestions for the location and time of the date. Then ask your partner to choose from the options. For example, you can ask, what do you think of going to this or would you prefer this?

  • Question How can I make my date enjoyable?

Stefanie Safran Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Answer Make eye contact with your partner while talking. Give your partner a chance to speak about herself. Do not do the same things you do on every date. Pay attention to what this particular girl wants and act accordingly. See more answers

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Tips

  • If youre asking a girl out in person, make sure to brush your teeth and wear clean clothes so that you look and smell good.
  • Dont be afraid to show off your unique personality. Being yourself is the best way to attract someone!
  • If youre trying to get to know this girl, try asking her open-ended questions.          {{{data}}} Show More

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References

  1. Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.
  2. https://youtu.be/2cfHFjBwwpk?t=94
  3. https://youtu.be/xOJn9fwzbgY?t=84
  4. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-ask-someone-out
  5. https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-ask-someone-out
  6. Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.
  7. http://www.thedistilledman.com/how-ask-woman-out-13-keys-success/
  8. http://www.thedistilledman.com/how-ask-woman-out-13-keys-success/
  9. https://www.insider.com/what-you-should-not-do-when-someone-rejects-you-2017-6More References (10)
  10. https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/4-effective-tips-girl-facebook/
  11. https://www.mantelligence.com/first-date-ideas/
  12. https://www.mantelligence.com/how-to-text-a-girl-you-like/
  13. https://youtu.be/2cfHFjBwwpk?t=281
  14. http://www.thedistilledman.com/how-ask-woman-out-13-keys-success/
  15. https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-ask-a-girl-out.html
  16. https://youtu.be/H5LbAyIoJ1w?t=40
  17. https://www.mantelligence.com/how-to-ask-a-girl-out/
  18. https://www.mantelligence.com/how-to-ask-a-girl-out/
  19. Stefanie Safran. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 8 May 2020.

About This Article

Co-authored by: Stefanie Safran Dating Coach & Matchmaker This article was co-authored by Stefanie Safran. Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as Chicago's Introductionista® as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.  This article has been viewed 12,082,329 times.   Co-authors:  306 Updated: August 1, 2022 Views:12,082,329 Article Rating:62% - 53 votes Categories: Featured Articles | Getting a Date Article SummaryX

If you want to ask a girl out, start by having a specific activity in mind for the date. Also, try planning out what you want to say to her ahead of time, which can help you feel more confident. For example, you might say, I got tickets to the Taylor Swift concert in August. Would you want to come with me as my date? If youre nervous, try practicing in front of a mirror several times beforehand. When you're ready to ask her out, try to catch her when she's in a good mood and by herself so that you don't have an audience for the conversation. Then, smile, make eye contact, and go for it! No matter how she responds, react in a positive way and try not to take it personally if she says no. There are other fish in the sea! For tips on how to figure out if the girl is interested in you, keep reading!In other languagesItaliano:Chiedere a una Ragazza di Uscire Español:invitar a salir a una chica Português:Chamar uma Garota para Sair Français:inviter une fille à sortir 中文:约一个女孩出去 Deutsch:Ein Mädchen um ein Date bitten Bahasa Indonesia:Mengajak Perempuan Kencan Nederlands:Een meisje mee uit vragen Čeština:Jak pozvat dívku na rande Русский:позвать девушку на свидание العربية:دعوة فتاة للخروج سويًا Tiếng Việt:Mời một cô gái đi chơi ไทย:ชวนสาวออกเดท 한국어:여성에게 데이트 신청하는 방법 Türkçe:Bir Kıza Nasıl Çıkma Teklif Edilir 日本語:女性をデートに誘う हिन्दी:किसी लड़की को डेट पर जाने में लिए पूछें

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Reader Success Stories

Benny Johnson

Benny Johnson

Jun 6, 2016 "I got a girlfriend after two days. I really have to thank this article and my best friend. He's the one who told me "have control and confidence, make the wrong move too soon or early, you're screwed". I asked her out and she felt the same way I did. Thanks."

Leslie Baker

Leslie Baker

Sep 27, 2021 "It really gave me some Ideas on what to say and I asked her to the dance that was going on and in the romantic setting I asked her the big question and she said yes to being my girlfriend."

Julio Contreras

Julio Contreras

May 28, 2017 "I liked that this was straight forward. No BS nonsense or distracting things. This helped me get my confidence up to ask a girl that I like out."

Carly Car

Carly Car

May 11, 2016 "This was very good. I mean, I am a girl, but it gave me amazing tips on what I should know when a guy is about to ask me out. Thanks so much!"

James Green

James Green

Mar 18, 2017 "We've been talking for a while and she even told me she liked me. So when it was the right moment, I asked her out and she said yes!"   Rated this article:

Zane Arends

Zane Arends

Apr 2, 2018 "She did everything that is in the article and I've ask her out then she didn't even think twice to say yes!"

Jaun Willman

Jaun Willman

Mar 20, 2018 "You guys can get any girl you want If you follow these steps! It worked for me, it will work for you, too."

Jonathan Bartek

Jonathan Bartek

Aug 5, 2017 "The whole thing helped me out a heck of a lot. I am now more confident about asking a special gal out now."

Billie Robinson

Billie Robinson

Jun 6, 2016 "This article helped me. It gave me the right tools to learn to ask someone I like out. It worked out well!"

Max Anderson

Max Anderson

Aug 13, 2016 "The girl I like became my girlfriend because of the steps I did from the article. It was awesome."

Hailey Stanley

Hailey Stanley

Jul 29, 2016 "I'm a girl, and a boy is about to ask me out. I read this to see what he was going through."

Benj C.

Benj C.

Nov 15, 2018 "I read this and asked her out the next day. She said yes and now we're happy."

Hayden Rogers

Hayden Rogers

Mar 15, 2018 "Thanks very much, this article helped me get a boyfriend in my biology class."

Cole Zapesocki

Cole Zapesocki

Dec 1, 2017 "Just how it gave me all that advice! It made me feel so much more confident."

Wise Guy

Wise Guy

Apr 14, 2020 "I followed this exactly and now I have a gf, thanks wikiHow!"

Kendall Tomson

Kendall Tomson

Mar 15, 2016 "This helped me to know how a guy would ask me out."

Bob

Bob

Nov 19, 2016 "Be yourself, don't let anyone change you."

Molly Macklin

Molly Macklin

Apr 23, 2018 "I asked my girl out and now she's my gf!"

Daniel Forrester

Daniel Forrester

Nov 5, 2016 "It's clear, concise information."

Jack Smith

Jack Smith

Jan 11, 2019 "Gives tons of good info."

Jose Gonex

Jose Gonex

May 12, 2017 "All of this worked."     More reader stories Hide reader stories

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