Video games that require communication

byAndrew Fishman, MSW, LSW, Clinician, Response Center for Teens(This blog, part of a series, originally appeared inPsychology Today.Andrew also facilitates Level Up: A Group for G

Video games that require communication

byAndrew Fishman, MSW, LSW, Clinician, Response Center for Teens

(This blog, part of a series, originally appeared inPsychology Today.Andrew also facilitates Level Up: A Group for Gamers, a support group for teen gamers who want to meet with other teen gamers and discuss the impact of gaming on their lives.)

I imagine mostparentsof gamers have hollered to their children to stop playing games and gobe with people.Their childrenseem totally isolated, sitting all alone,staring blankly at a screen for hours at a time.

Children need totalkto each other, to have conversations, to get out into the world. Thatshow to makefriends, parentsassert. They fondly recall long conversations on the phone,learningto work together by competing insports, or playingMonopolytogether at a sleepover.

To well-meaning parents, video games often look like a waste of time; a waste of achildhood. The games they grew up with didnt have controllers, keyboards, screens, or a headset.

In this case, the headset is the key. Although the players arephysicallyisolated, theyre spending time with friends in the same way that people do when they talk to one another on the phone. 77% of boys play online video games with friends at least once a month.

I often hear parents say that video games dont count as healthy communication; their kids arent talking about anything real when they play, theyre just talking about the game or yelling at one another.

What do gamers talk about?

Two researchers studied this exactly in 2006. They looked atover 5,800 messages sent while playing an online multiplayer gameand examined whether these messages were socio-emotional or task-oriented. Socio-emotional messages are ones which helped players connect with one another, such as Thanks for the help, Yeah, I agree with you, and Wow, that was funny. Task-oriented messages are focused on the game itself, such as How do you open this door? or Just practice some more.

They found that there were more than 3.2timesas many socio-emotional messages as task-oriented ones. Additionally, these emotion-based messages were over2.6 times more likely to be positive than negative.

That means that, contrary to parents fears, the vast majority of the messages people sent while playing this game were used to interact with others in a positive way.

For young people, it can be annoying to hear their parents encourage them to talk with others, when, from their perspective, they already are. Although themethodof communication is different (i.e.,communicated in-game rather than via text, phone, or in-person), the messages sent and connections built are the same.

Even if players were to only spend time talking about the game itself, games wouldstillbe a great way to bond with other people. Lots of families have weekly game nights in which they play board games to spend time with one another. I spent a few hours playing card games with my family last week and, even though most of the conversation was centered on the games themselves, it was undeniably abondingexperience.

Many teens go to each other's houses to play video games in the same room. This serves the same purpose as playingMonopolytogether did for their parents. Shared experiences like these are so good at helping people connect that some therapists even usetabletop games likeDungeons and Dragonsas group therapy.

Video Games as Safe Places

There is also evidence to suggest that video games can be a safe place to experiment with social interactions for vulnerable people. These include:

  • peoplewith autism spectrum disorders,
  • people with insecure attachment styles,(those whose unreliablerelationshipsearly in life have led to a feeling of mistrust in most other relationships)
  • shy people,
  • people with depressive symptoms,and
  • people with social anxiety

Video games and other online spaces are safe for these individuals because they allow people to communicate when they want to, with little or no pressure to respond immediately and without requiring them to be in the same physical space with others.

Successful conversations require a wide variety of skills that many take for granted, such as readingbody language,understandingtone of voice, maintaining eye contact, and rapidly comprehending and responding to information. Online video games can allow players totalk to othersand make friends at their current ability level even when they are not emotionally or physicallyable to leave their homes. This can help build the skills andconfidencenecessary to try it in-person.

In fact, research has shown thatmany people who meet while playing games onlinedoend up spending time with those people.This is cause for celebration for parents of young people who are otherwise socially isolated.

However, the trend of meeting new friends in-person does have the potential to become dangerous for young people, as there are reports of adult sexual predators using games as a way to meet children and teens. These incidents have greatly decreased in recent years,and it appears that children are relatively safe online. Even though reporting features and chat filters have made online spaces safer than ever, it is still a good idea for parents to keep an eye on whom their children are talking to and to have open conversations with their children about what is and is not appropriate in these contexts.


Children and teens are spending more and more time playing video games online with their friends. For most, this is a positive experience, allowing them to communicate with others even when they are unable to physically be with them. This is particularly true for people with difficulty spending time with others in-person, like those with major depressive disorder,autismspectrum disorder andsocial anxietydisorder.

This unconventional method of communication is helpful in fostering connections while building the skills and confidence necessary to interact face-to-face. Although steps should be taken to ensure childrens safety online, online video games are a large part of the lives of young people and should be recognized as a source of social support.


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